Q: When is a lawyer not your friend?
A: When you are paying him.
It is a really sad truth that your lawyer is not out for your best interest. He is out for your money. He may seem to be out for your best interest because he is making sure your wife doesn't take advantage of you, but this is only to get you more money, and consequently the lawyer will get more money.
If you told him that you are having second thoughts, he will try to convince you to go through with the divorce. Why? Because he (or she) gets more money if you go to court and settle than if you drop the case.
Further, if you told him that you really wanted to stop the proceedings, I'm almost certain that he will present to you obstacles like "you are too far into it to stop now", or "this will cost you more".
The quest for endless life has been on the minds of many for thousands of years. If you do not believe in God you can skip the next paragraph.
So, you believe in God, then you know that after your body dies that your spirit will live forever. You will also know that Jesus wanted the old order of marriage. In the old order there was no divorce. But people were stubborn in the times of Moses, so God allowed divorce. However, Jesus tells us that what God has joined, no man may separate. Even if the law says you are no longer married, God says "yes you are". (Lewd conduct is a separate case)
Maybe you don't believe in God. Well, you will discover that hardly anything you do, build, or think will be around very long by your own power once you are dead. If you entrust your thoughts and morals to your children, however, they will carry that with them, and a small part of you will be immortalized through your descendants.
If you get a divorce, your children will be very angry with you and will probably not pass along anything you believe or think to their children. Your best chance of being remembered long after you are dead, (and having a lasting, domino effect on the world), is to stay in the family and not get a divorce.
I'm sure you're tired of hearing from me. That's why I keep it short.
Divorce is good. Here are the cases:
Yes, divorce is good, but separation is better. Why? because divorce is final. The law can be strict and cruel in these cases. Separation is temporary. It can be undone. It allows two people to sort through their own lives and start over when they re-join.
There is a profound analagy: Separation is to love what wind is to fire: when weak, it will be extinguished; when strong, it will only grow stronger.
Rip up the papers. Give separation a chance. You can always divorce later if you think that is appropriate. If you jump too fast, you may regret it the rest of your life.
I know it must hurt an awful lot. I am not trying to take sides. It just makes sense to "try before you buy". Don't divorce just to get vengance.
If you are familiar with the rules of chess, you will know that the object of the game is to capture the opponent's piece.
However, a king is never captured in chess. Checkmate is called and the game is over. You have called the "checkmate" by filing for divorce. Now, you don't have to go through with it.
Some people think that it is better to get a divorce than to go on in a relationship that "doesn't work".
If children are involved, the divorce is not only ugly, but tends to propogate through a generation or two.
Gary Smallie has counseled thousands of couples in his career as a marriage counselor. If the marriage has lasted for more than 5 years and the woman is not romantically involved with another man, he has found that Men are the blame in every case.
Now, the woman might be the one filing for the divorce or separation, but it is just a reaction to something that the man has done to her, or has neglected in the relationship.
(Gary Smallie - The Joy of Committed Love)
Romantic love has been the basis for marriage for only the last 400 years. Before that, all marriages were arranged. People get into trouble when they "fall in love" because of emotional reasons, then the emotions fail them years later. The happy couple is not so happy any more.
The basis for the ancient vows of "'Till death do us part" is based on love, not a feeling. People now say the same thing, but mean it to say "'Till I don't feel in love with you anymore do us part"
A relationship between the husband and the wife has to be totally selfless. I can't think of a selfless reason to get a divorce.